


Such a great father you are, Sasuke-kun!

by Rey_Bee



Category: Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, Naruto
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Humor, Child Neglect, Children, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Criticism, F/M, Family, Family Dynamics, Family Reunions, Father Figures, Father-Daughter Relationship, Fatherhood, Gen, Husbands, Marriage, One Shot, One-Sided Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Parent-Child Relationship, Parody, Post-Boruto: Naruto the Movie, Ridiculous, Science Husbands, Single Parents, Sins of the Father, Strangers to Lovers, Uchiha Sasuke Returns to Konoha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24403987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rey_Bee/pseuds/Rey_Bee
Summary: Oh, Sarada is SO lucky to have Uchiha Sasuke as a father. Who in their right senses would ask for a better one…? Parody. (Written to show how mad I am at Sasuke for being an excuse of a father. Even though I really like him and Sakura. And no, Boruto being "lonely" because Naruto is overworked is no excuse for me. He has his mother and sister ALWAYS waiting for him. See inside for more information.)EDIT: BEFORE YOU READ:- I don't hate SasuSaku- I'm upset about how SasuSaku turned out- This is PARODY- If you don't want to see SSS family being a bit laughed at - there are many, many great stories on this site that will satisfy your preferences. Please, don't like - don't read.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Uchiha Sarada, Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sarada & Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Boruto
Comments: 15
Kudos: 24





	Such a great father you are, Sasuke-kun!

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT (29/05/2020): IM CHANGING THE SUMMARY A BIT. READ THE NOTE WHERE I EXPLAIN THIS AND EVERYTHING ELSE. If not, then just skip to A/N.
> 
> I would like people who accuse me for hating SasuSaku to actually read A/N and make an attempt to UNDERSTAND the reason I wrote this fic. Maybe I made myself unclear, if that's the case, then it's fine and sorry. So here you have more detailed explanation.
> 
> 1) I DO NOT attack anyone. Especially not SasuSaku fans.
> 
> 2) I AM SasuSaku fan myself. I'm happy they ended up together. But I'm very upset about how their marriage looks like.
> 
> 3) When I say that I blame a character for something, I mean I blame the authors. Honestly, it WOULD be hard to blame something on a fictional, nonexistent character.
> 
> 4) This fic is PARODY. It's stated in the tags and in the summary. It's supposed to highlight what doesn't work in SSS family. If somebody doesn't want to read a story where SSS's habits are shown as ridiculous or funny, just DON'T. Don't like, don't read. If I don't like harem or explicit content, I just don't read it no matter if it contains my favourite characters. And I don't review such stories with 'ew, gross, how can you hate SasuSaku'.
> 
> 5) I'm open to your criticism, I don't expect everybody to love my works. But I ask you to create this criticism on a right level. This fic highlights what's wrong in SasuSaku relationship. The comment expressing "how can you hate SasuSaku" is just... unnecessary. Especially when I don't hate it.
> 
> 6) I ask you guys to respect my autonomy as an author. That is, I'm allowed to write how I see things, I'm allowed to give my works titles I like and I'm allowed to tag them as I like as long as the tags correspond with the content. I'm not changing tags because somebody doesn't want to see my story in filter results.
> 
> Honestly I'm a bit surprised how all the reviews are about me not liking SasuSaku. I published this fic a while ago on another site and I got no review accusing me for being anti-SasuSaku. So sorry, if it's a bit harsh. But I just don't get you people sometimes.  
> 
> 
> A/N: Okay, so… It's not gonna be that funny.
> 
> Sorry if anyone expects it to be. It's just that, after watching Boruto episode 127, I've had enough of how ridiculous Sasuke is as a father and as a husband (not to mention how irritably important Boruto always gets, no matter what happens in the plot). This parody shows my discontent. 
> 
> Call me an idealist, but Boruto is often watched by kids. They get a message that it's okay for a father to be constantly absent and spend his free time with somebody who doesn't need him right now (ekhem, Bolt). Well fine, MAYBE he needs someone. But why should Sarada be deprived of her father's attention because of Boruto? He has his own (equally disappionting) father who should take care of him. Honestly, when you look at it closely, it was Sarada who needed to grow up early. Not Bolt.
> 
> I don't get it, so here is my frustration expressed with words. Enjoy.

* * *

„Sarada!" Sakura calls from the kitchen just after she hears the front door closing. "Did you get it?"

"Of course I did!" a happy thirteen-years-old girl enters with an angelic smile on her lips, showing her mother the content of her shopping bag. "Everything Papa likes!"

"Oh, thank you so much, sweetheart, I can always count on you" Sakura kisses her pale forehead tenderly. "Sasuke-kun is going to be so surprised!"

"You are really making his favorite food?"

"Well, he did come back home after a long time, didn't he? I want to show him how happy we are he's here! He deserves to know how much we love him!"

"Oh, I'm gonna help!"

"Of course! Right, you can start with the garlic…"

The two Uchiha girls chatter excitedly, cutting vegetables, boiling sauces, roasting meat… A huge feast is just the right way to thank Sasuke for _visiting_ his girls after a couple of months!

"Do you know where Papa is, Mama?" Sarada takes a look around.

"Oh, he is probably talking to the Hokage. You know how busy your father is, Sarada. He doesn't have much time for trivial matters like family life..."

"He's so amazing, right? And just how he endures this, I would totally die if I had so many important things to take care of, and this far from home, but he doesn't seem bothered at all! Like, can you imagine, his work is so important that he didn't have even an hour during almost ten years to _teleport_ to the village with his rinnegan and see us!"

"Well, this is your father, we are talking about! But now he did a great work and thanks to him, we have an opportunity to see him here more often."

"We're SO lucky!"

"I know, aren't we? And even though we can hardly do anything for him, he still says he loves us, isn't that just cute?"

"I know, I need to record this so I can listen to his voice when he is away. We do have a dictaphone, don't we?"

"Yeah, we should have one somewhere in those boxes in the corridor… Oh, my. I still haven't had time to unpack it. I was too busy with work, shopping, unpacking Sasuke's things… I hope he doesn't think I'm messy…"

"Why did you unpack Papa's things first, he doesn't use them when he isn't here anyway."

"Oh, Sarada, he always comes back suddenly, how would it look if he came home one day and his things were still in the same boxes they were in all those months ago?!"

"Right, you have a point, I didn't think about it this way…"

"I wonder if Sasuke-kun is going to come back for dinner…"

"It would be nice…"

"Yeah…

They stand in silence for some seconds, imagining a perfect family dinner they would have with their perfect Uchiha Sasuke.

"Well, but you know" Sarada furrows her brows a little. "He has just come back, he needs time to feel comfortable. Maybe it's more difficult for him when we are still bothering him."

"I wish the two of us weren't this tiring for him…"

"I'm trying a lot…

"I know, sweetie" Sakura sends a warm smile to her daughter. "We just need to try harder."

"What a relief Papa trains Boruto" Sarada sighs wearily. "At least he has a chance to spend his time in the village with somebody good enough for him."

"I don't know what we would do without this boy. He gives Sasuke so much of his free time, I'm so grateful!"

"I'm home" comes a hardly audible call from the front door. The girls let go of everything they hold in their hands and rush over to the corridor to greet the newcomer.

"Welcome home, Papa!" Sarada smiles like a sun.

"Welcome, Sasuke-kun! The dinner is almost ready!"

"Hn" lets out the most handsome man in the world, taking off his shoes.

"Please, change into something comfortable, and we will prepare everything!"

As Sasuke goes to change his clothes, the girls hurry back to the kitchen to put the food into the best plates and bowls (regaining control over crazily seething noodles and tools abandoned on the floor). Before Sasuke appears in the dining room, everything waits ready on the table.

"Thank you for coming home early" Sakura sends a warm smile to her perfect husband. "It's very considerate of you."

"Hn."

"How was your day, Papa?" Sarada wants to know.

"Fine."

"Did you talk to Naruto?" Sakura gives him his rice bowl.

"In the morning."

"Oh, what have you been doing next?"

"Standing on the training grounds. Staring at the spot where Bolt usually appears when he wants me to train him."

"I hope you didn't get too tired, Sasuke-kun."

"It was quite relaxing."

"Did Boruto come?" Sarada asks.

"Yes, after around ten hours."

"Oh, it's good you had this much time for yourself, darling. Especially considering how loud your usual days may be."

"Hn."

"Did you train him?"

"No, we sat on a branch and talked, looking at the horizon."

"It had to be wonderful, the sunset today was so beautiful… Did you enjoy the conversation?"

"Hn."

"In fact, Papa, I was thinking" Sarada speaks, gaining her father's attention. "Maybe I could invite Boruto to come over more often when you are here? This way you would spend more time with him."

"Oh, Sarada, it's a wonderful idea!" Sakura exclaims. "Why haven't I thought about it sooner?"

"It just occurred to me."

"You must tell Boruto, I can't wait!"

"I will go just after dinner, Mama!"

"Maybe let's tell him to stay as long as your father is here… we should have a spare futon in the closet. Sasuke-kun, how long are you staying this time?"

"Not sure."

"Well, it doesn't matter. What do you think? You could train Boruto more often if he was here all day. It would be more convenient to you, wouldn't it?"

"Hn."

"But aren't I and Mama going to disturb you two, Papa?" Sarada looks worried. "Maybe it would be better if you just stayed over at Hokage-sama's house? This way you could concentrate entierly on your hard work."

"And I'm sure Hinata wouldn't mind. Dear heavens, ever since Naruto became the Hokage she's practically a single mother, it must be so hard for her… Your presence alone would help her so much, Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn."

"Oh, just… Sarada, is you Fireball Jutsu complete? I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun, but after everything I've read about the Uchiha customs, I consider it very important that you teach Sarada your clan's main technique. I hope you could find ten minutes to demonstrate it to her, she is a quick learner…"

"Mama, don't worry! I've already learned everything from the scrolls in library. I even used it during the chuunin exams, remember? I wouldn't bother Papa about something like this, he can make a better use of his time. He needs to teach Boruto a bunch of stuff so he can become an outstanding ninja that everybody loves! It's in the script, after all."

"My bad, sweetheart. Of course you performed this technique during the exams, how could I forget…?"

"Don't worry about it, Mama. I know Boruto made a better performance out there…"

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Sarada…!"

"No, it's okay. I just need to find somebody who would agree to give me some of his time… I mean, Konohamaru-sensei is all right, but it's obvious you can learn faster when you have a teacher on your own, like Boruto."

"Oh, honey… I wish I could help you…"

"Mama, you're already very busy, I wouldn't even think about asking you…!"

"But at the moment I really can't think of anybody in particular… Ne, Sasuke-kun, do you have anybody in mind? Someone who could help Sarada with her training?"

"Hn."

"Well, I will take a look around."

"I will find a teacher myself, Mama" Sarada says firmly. "I'm happy you want to help, but I will stand for myself in that matter. This way, he or she will be sure it's important to me."

"Well, can't disagree here… What do you think about it, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

"Okay, it's settled. But please, Sarada, come to me if you need any help, all right?"

"Yup!"

"Oh, I'm so full now…! Did you like the food, Sasuke-kun?"

"Hn."

"I'm glad" Sakura smiles sweetly.

"Oh no, Mama, I will handle the dishes! It's my turn today, anyway. You two go seat on the sofa and enjoy the evening."

"You are the cutest, Sarada" Sakura hugs her daughter. "Come on, Sasuke-kun."

Washing the plates, Sarada steals a look at their parents. She sees the back of her unmoving father's head. Her mother sits just next to him. Their arms almost touches… Oh, Mama must be so happy…!

The fate is so merciful. How lucky they are to have their Uchiha Sasuke dining with them in the evening!

Suddenly, the front door opens. Panting Naruto runs into the living room of the Uchiha household, trying to catch a breath.

"Sasuke… They… Otsutsuki… Suna…"

Sasuke doesn't need to hear more. He stands up rigidly, march out to the bedroom, changes his clothes and leading his best friend towards the door, he sends his family one last glance.

"I'm out."

The door closes. When Sarada comes out from the kitchen, she spots her mother standing in the middle of the living room, looking with wide eyes full of awe at the closed front door. Her hands are clasped on her chest.

"Take care, Sasuke-kun" she whispers with hope.

Yeah, her father is amazing. Isn't he?


End file.
